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Rebuilding Your Life after Divorce
Rebuilding your life after divorce is sometimes an unwanted challenge. Any of us can face the circumstance of how to rebuild our life. Whether it is after a divorce or a job loss. Whether an illness or death of a loved one or friend.
What does an anchor have to do with rebuilding your life after divorce? An anchor is an answer to the question of how do we create the environment of stability? Especially if our lives have been wracked by the wrenching upheaval and chaos of divorce? Everyone has their challenges, the waves of the sea are always churning and some storms are more destructive than others.
Some waves are just hitting the shores with negligible damage and are enjoyable to watch and listen to on the beach, while others can be an outright disaster when they build up to the level of a tsunami and obliterate everything you have worked for in the blink of an eye.
Drop a Solid Anchor
Clearly, the objects, people, that are most firmly anchored, have the best chance of surviving and thriving despite the crashing sea. We have to learn how to drop anchor. We have to create stability by being stable, by repeating certain habits till they become part of our daily routine and anchor us in a meaningful (for us) and positive way.
Most people would agree that smoking is definitely a habit, but not much of a positive one, nor an effective anchor because it continues to damage the ship (your body) while a true anchor protects the ship from being destroyed by the wild nature of the ocean.
And no offense to those who are already ensconced in this habit, because many of us still have plenty of our own damaging routines. Bad habits which have built up over the years. However, we can all be determined to replace these bad habits with good anchors that will preserve the ship for the journey.
Start with One Anchor
Find an anchor, find one activity which is healthy for your body, mind and spirit and keep at it. Try to keep at it even when you are faced with challenges, perhaps you will not be as tranquil in your mind, but this activity will help to anchor you. This new habit will be your anchor in rebuilding your life after divorce. This new anchor will get you through the waves when they rise up to the level of a storm as we know will happen one time or another in your new life after divorce.
Without firm boundaries and anchors, nothing really has any form. Without walls, there can be no home and without walls, there can be no pool, so building boundaries, is a good thing, whether it be for a vineyard or for a house, that is the way to establish your place and your domain in your world.
So, perhaps you already have all of your anchors lined up. And that is great. This idea though has been somewhat new to me, maybe not in terms of understanding it conceptually, but from experiencing it in practice.
Some Possible Anchors
Even if you are fighting depression, you can push through those waves of negativity by volunteering, going to school, studying for a new career or swimming. Those are all good anchors that can be good for the ‘ship’, for you to stay the course by helping others and yourself.
It does not matter which anchor you choose, just make sure to choose one that you love, that you enjoy. A new habit that you can commit to. Maybe it is music, maybe art, maybe a specific field that you work in, maybe it is volunteering, mentoring, working out, you pick it, but at least get one that can serve as a strong anchor.
We do see this concept in nature. Our solar system revolves around the pull of the sun. Our own bodies, held close to the earth by gravity. Our personal lives, which have probably revolved around the close relationships of less than thirty people or even less. Whether they have been great relationships or whether they have been stormy. The point is to start today to establish good anchors in our lives.
And if we do not have any, pick at least one anchor to start rebuilding your life after divorce. You will see an incremental improvement in most areas of your life because you have dropped some powerful anchors to protect the ship, meaning, yourself.
There is no perfection, just trying to keep making progress and having these anchors is definitely contributing to staying a productive course.
The ocean is always there and the waves keep coming and there is really no escaping from storms now and then. But at least you can do your best to preserve yourself for the journey, and avoid complete shipwrecks. Then, you will be free to enjoy the ocean and sail another day.
Have you ever dropped anchors, created new solid habits for rebuilding your life after divorce or any other type of loss?
Please share, thanks.