Why the Best Exercises to Lose Weight will NEVER Work

I DON’T have a great track record with New Year’s resolutions.

2011. Lose weight, exercise, pay off the credit cards.

2012. Lose weight, exercise, pay off the credit cards.

2013. Lose weight, exercise, pay off the credit cards.

I should at least get kudos for consistency.

Half way through last year and yet again my efforts on the chubby front were as successful as a tact and decency seminar headed by Katie Hopkins.

I had a whole biscuit barrel of excuses for my lardesque state. When I gave up smoking at the end of 2005, I gained six stones in a year. I still had a 20-a-day habit but now I was chain-munching ­chocolate digestives.

In case you are not sure how many pounds a stone is, no worries, I checked it out as I am writing in New York City and have no clue about British measurements, most likely the same as you, so a stone is equivalent to 14 pounds. When Shari gave up smoking, she gained 84 pounds in one year, that is one pretty hefty gain. 

 

As the time passed, life got in the way and somehow the resolutions got lost in the melee of bringing up a family while juggling long working hours, sleep deprivation and an addiction to Revels.

There were also times of devastation as several people I loved passed away and others were struck down with life-changing illnesses. As an emotional eater, I dealt with every sadness by seeking solace in friends, family and the bread bin.

The result? If Sumo caught on in Scotland, I was a shoo-in for a place on the extra-wide podium.

Desperate to shift the ample upholstery, I tried every diet. Atkins. Cambridge. Mayo Clinic. South Beach. Largs Beach (consumption of sausage supper thwarted by homicidal seagull who snatched it from my lap).

But now? Don’t hate me. If you’ve just cracked and attacked the box of Matchmakers left over from Christmas, look away now because… drum rolls… after seven years in the plus size department, I’ve finally lost five and a half stones.

That is an awesome accomplishment, after seven years, Shari lost 77 pounds, finally. Let’s find out what she did. I am familiar with all of the diets that Shari tried, too familiar with those and many others. Eating should not be that complicated, right?

 

Last June, I cut out sugar. No chocolate. No bread. No pasta. No… I could be here all day. The list is long. Basically, I only eat green veg, fish, eggs and lean meats.

Ta da! Cutting out sugar. That is all that it takes. Cutting out sugar works like magic when you really cut out processed foods. See what Shari lists as the sugar foods that she cut out, chocolate, bread, pasta and her list is as long as most supermarket grocery aisles where most of the processed foods reside. Think of your market, usually you find real food on the outer edges, vegetables and fruits, and then the rest of the store is all boxed up and marketed in colorful packaging, a processed food paradise. What does eating vegetables, fish, eggs and lean meats sound like? Yes, it does sound like Hashi Mashi to me, but of course, no one can invent a real food diet, it just is what it is, that is like packaging air and saying that it is some brand air. All over this site I speak about eating real food is the main foundation of the best exercises to lose weight and fight depression. If you start to workout but do not change your processed food to eating real food, most likely you will not see much of a change. Sure, if you workout 10 hours a day, maybe you will, but for the average person, and that is what the Hashi Mashi Wellness Plan is all about, the average person, you do not have 10 hours a day to workout. The most effective change you can make, the absolute fundamental and best exercise to lose weight that you can start today is to close your mouth and refuse sugar and foods that cause your sugar to spike like crazy, and those are all the foods that Shari listed for the most part.

 

That female in the pic to the left still looks like me but only after I’ve been inflated by one of the machines at the garage that corrects the tyre pressure.

All those clothes that have been in cupboards since before 2006, tags still on, never worn? I’ve gone from a size 22 to a 14, so they now glide on ­effortlessly. Unfortunately, they’re all so far out of fashion I could only wear them if I decide to set myself up as a one-woman Spice Girls tribute act.

I promise I’m not gloating. There’s nothing worse than people who lose weight and get preachy. Those celebs who say they’re only publishing pics of their six-pack to “inspire” others? Total twaddle.

They’re publishing photos of their six-pack because they can. Their smugness is more likely to “inspire” me to reach for a Snickers bar while doing intensive ­repetitions of my favourite exercises, the eye roll and the harrumph of irritation.

See, you can use exercise to refer to closing your mouth and refusing junk food, above Shari refers to an eye roll as an exercise!

 

Besides, I’ve realised that when it comes to dieting, pride comes before a blowout involving three selection boxes and a packet of shortbread. I relaxed the rules over Christmas and a few pounds of pure Cadbury’s have crept back on.

I’m more than half way to my pre-porker weight but I still have three stones to lose and I’m well aware of the dangers that lurk in the shadows of the ­confectionery stash.

So as of this week, the sugar is banished once again, and this year I’m determined to squeeze in a work-out plan too.

My resolutions for 2014? Lose weight, exercise, pay off the credit cards.

I’m fairly confident on the first one. I’m hopeful on the second. And I think I might have stumbled across a plan to achieve the third. Anyone want to pay good money for a slightly chunky one-woman Spice Girls tribute act?

Well, I do not know about the spice girl act, but at the least I can applaud your accomplishment, I know that is not so easy to do in current society where there are so many sweet temptations everywhere and on every social occasion. If you ever read this Shari, great job, start adding some strength training and keep on eating real food, that is the simple magical solution for most of us!

So next time that you are searching the internet for the best exercises to lose weight cause you have made a new year resolution or a bet with your family or friend, just stop! No matter how many top 10, 20 or 30 best exercises to lose weight lists will be useful without mastering the most basic of all exercises to lose weight, which is to simply shut your mouth. That is it. Before opening your mouth to eat, think about whether you are about to have real food or a very poor imitation that has been camoflauged in fat and sugar and stuffed into a colorful packaging and processed in some factory in somewhereville. If the food is real, like a vegetable, fruit, nut, legume, fish, eggs or meat, fine, eat, but if not, exercise your mouth, in fact you do not even have to exercise, just do not open your mouth for junk food and that is the absolutely the best exercise to lose weight!