Day 7 of Starting Over

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So here is a good illustration of starting over. Me. I am starting over. I remember that I was about 311 days into Hashi Mashi, 175lbs and 18% bodyfat before I took that first bite of processed bread. Okay, so five months later, I had put on 28lbs and was climbing. This is a great argument for throwing out your larger sized clothing. I was fitting in 31″ jeans, maybe too comfortably, there were quite a few people saying that I looked too skinny. And once I got into the 31's, I even got rid of the 32's…and having 32″ waist jeans is nothing to be upset about. However, having thrown out just about all of the larger size clothing, I was constantly reminded as my pants were getting tighter, and my slim fit shirt were starting to pop all over the place, in all the wrong places. I think if I still had the 36″ pants lying around, and the 40″ and the 48″, I just might not have caught myself. On October 2, just 7 days ago, I caught myself. I had seen that I had gone over the 200lb mark a few days before that. I saw 203. On one hand, I thought to myself, well, that is another 5 months of all the junk I want. Every time I had bread or pasta, I just needed more sweet foods, ice cream, cookies, donuts. I was really struggling. I think the key to my starting over, and not totally over, because I am starting over from 50lbs lighter than last year. In any case, the key to starting over is that I stopped hiding. I have been ashamed for the last 5 months, every time that I could not control what I was taking in, especially when I was alone. So, as you know, I wrote a little post a week ago or so that said Stop Hiding. Be honest. Be transparent. Why not? It is not as if people could not see that I was starting to balloon up and was on my way to expanding faster and faster, till the jelly belly would be fully back. So I came back. To Hashimashi. On October 2, the first thing that I had in the morning was my traditional Hashimashi of egg omelete with lots of vegetable and humus and avocado. I also added some black beans for calories so that I would not be too hungry. The Chefs at the Cafe were happy, they said “Hashimashi is back! Keep eating healthy.” See, months before, they would say to me, “Just have one cookie, why not? It is no big deal.” And I want to believe them. I want to believe everyone that tells me not to be so extreme, but how can I control my physiological reactions? Perhaps it is just psychological, I do not know. All I know is that once I start on a bread basket, I am finished. I cannot think clearly. I feel like I need more and more carbs, no matter how much I have already eaten.

Now, after 7 days back on Hashimashi, mainly having vegetables, protein, beans and some nuts, with very little fruit during the week, except to make a protein shake, I feel the best that I have felt in the last 5 months. Physically that is. And I can tell you that in only the last 7 days, I was down to 192 Monday morning, I am writing this too late, but was excited to tell …write the good news…

And beyond that, some really important people to me said that they can see the difference. And that I should keep on going.

Bottom line, I will keep going for myself. I have to maintain this because of how much better I feel and function. Hey, I even went to the gym tonight. All I did was squats, and only up to 80lbs, but it is a start. And is that not what starting over is all about.

Come on, who out there has lost weight and then put it back on? Who out there had to start over as well? Who out there wants to start over but has given up?

I look forward to hearing your own stories and how you got back on track.

Thanks!