L Chaim is Not Just a Toast or a Song
L Chaim literally means “to life”. Many people first heard of the phrase L Chaim from Fiddler on the Roof. To Life, To Life, L Chaim, L Chaim L Chaim to life. No question, a catchy tune. But the definition of L Chaim is not what appears to be most interesting, neither the melody, or the history. You also might know that L Chaim is the traditional way that Jewish people toast each other, so instead of saying ‘Cheers’ or ‘Nasdrovya’, Jewish people say L Chaim.
L Chaim though, is more than just a toast, a song or a quaint ancient custom. In that one phrase is a depth, which if plumbed, can even help a person out of depression and ideation. Even if you have heard L Chaim a million times, at Bar Mitzvahs or in movies or on broadway, this time, think about the meaning. To life. The phrase is not just about life, it is “to life”. To move towards life. It is clear, that by definition, when we say life, we all want the best life possible. No one hopes or plans for a mediocre life. Nobody wants to have a difficult or a hard life. So, when you say L Chaim, it means that you want to move towards the best life possible, even if you are facing major obstacles.
The Hashi Mashi Diet and To Life
It is now officially six months, actually over six months, 183 days into the Hashi Mashi Diet here. I began on June 21, 2012 and today is December 21, 2012. In any case, I created and started the Hashi Mashi Diet out of pure desperation, specifically to lose weight. I was tipping the scales at 275 pounds and was very uncomfortable in my body. That is an understatement. I had constant heartburn, indigestion and zero energy. Somehow though, this experience of Hashi Mashi has grown into more than just losing weight.
This experience has taught me that I can be consistent and that if I take gradual steps forward, I can effectively build a new body. You can eat food and transform the shape and health of your body, not just your weight. Of course your body is still going to be the age that it is, but I think that there is no question that I have at least made it a lot more comfortable for my body and for myself to function in the world.
Body and Mind Transformation
I will even venture to say that this last six months of staying focused on eating real food and working out to gain strength has perhaps changed my brain chemistry. My moods are much more even, less negative, more optimistic about the future than I have ever felt. And even if I am dreaming, hey, it is a lot more of a fun dream than feeling dismal and dark about the day or the future.
A friend said to me yesterday..
“Hey, I was checking in on you. You have done a lot of favors for me recently and I got concerned that if you ever got a life, that you would no longer be available for me!” I will not go into all of the reasons, but since he knows me personally for many years, he has been witness to many situations which had left me fairly , lets just say on my own. And it has been a long stretch of time. Of course it has been frightening in a way, cause I have been by myself and during times of the year which are very family oriented, it can even be more painful.
Now, before I go any further down the path which leads into the dark quagmire of self pity, let me pull myself up and say that I think I have found a way out, maybe not the only way out , but it is a way out, and it ties back into completing six months of the Hashi Mashi Diet, as well as to the idea of ‘L Chaim – of getting a life – creating a best life possible’.
Initially, I was a bit upset about what he had said. No one wants to feel like they have no life. Isn’t the whole point of living, to be alive? Even in Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye sings ” L Chaim – To Life!”. So, I went to the gym to do deadlifts and curls, but mainly wanted to concentrate on the deadlifts. I knew that lifting heavy free weights would make me feel better. I did 5 sets, starting at 125 pounds, up to 135lb, 155lb, 165lb and my last set of 1 repetition was 175lb. I am pretty close to being able to lift my body weight and I believe that I will be able to make it up to 200lbs at some point, I think I could have gone higher, but gradual will win the race. So, I stopped at 175lb. But the whole time I was thinking about what he said to me, “If I Ever Got A Life” how his life would be worse.
And I wondered, what have I been getting out of Not having a life? Does it feel better? Is it safer? Does it attract attention or sympathy? Can I control it in any way? What do I have to do to get a life? By the end of my workout, I definitely felt better, then I went to get what I now call my Hashi Mashi Nicisoisse, which I will write more about another day, but it was a great one, and I was able to get to sleep by 2am, a big improvement for a big insomniac.
Can You Get a Life from Hashi Mashi, from a Diet?
Today, it dawned on me, that the same way that I have rebuilt or transformed myself physically, and the same way that these changes have even benefited my thinking, why can I not find a way to rebuild my life in the sense of ‘getting a life’. I never want anyone else to look at me again and say “aw, he has no life, what a shame, what a pity”. No. No. No. I am going to ‘get a life’. And I thought about those words – L Chaim. How those words mean that we should put all of our efforts into having the best life possible, for us, for our families, for our friends and neighbors. And yes, getting your physical house in order, eating real food daily, following the Hashi Mashi diet will definitely help get you on the right path. I know how magical real foods are. Shocking in fact at how powerful food is.
L Chaim is Personal but Not Selfish
Some people think that the only way that their life counts, is if they only do or think about others. We all can understand that way of thinking. L Chaim teaches us in a toast, when people are together, that it is okay to seek the best life for yourself. L Chaim does not just mean to live your life for others, it means for you to have a great life. This helps people focus on themselves when they need to. Anyone whose life is spinning out of control because of addiction, depression, obesity, divorce, job loss, estrangement, trauma, loss, can understand.
You need to stop and think about L Chaim. You can benefit by thinking about building a new life, especially when you have suffered loss or cannot get control of such a basic issue like your weight. It is not your fault and that is a different topic. Think L Chaim, think about moving towards the best life for yourself first. That is not selfish. The stronger you are, the better it is for anyone else that knows you or depends on you.
The most basic element of getting a life is to believe and feel that you do have a life, and it is not for anyone else. If you do not have the narrative in your mind that you do have a life, why would anyone else? Frankly, it is not important what anyone else thinks, it is important what you think, because based on how you are thinking, that is how you ar going to feel. If you think you have no life, well then, you will be feeling quite morose, down in the dumps, sulking around the world.
Number two, be grateful right now for the life you have and to build on that, gradually. Perhaps that is obvious to everyone, but as a long time prisoners of their own minds, people struggling with overweight, obesity and/or depression know, this is a new way of thinking. Honestly, I do not believe that I would be thinking this way if I had not been eating real food daily for the last six months. I am convinced that it has somehow helped my mind, perhaps it is with the right nutrition, perhaps the exercise, perhaps both, perhaps being more comfortable and having energy.
I have decided to add on to rebuilding my body, mind, emotions and rebuild my life as well. What that means is that I want to bring new people into my circle. I am going to acknowledge and accept where there is distance and perhaps where other people have moved on or are busy in other ways, and I am going to reach out and be grateful for those people who invite me into their life or accept my invitation. The point is that I see it and I know that it is the way to ‘get a life’ to go ‘l Chaim’ , to move towards a better life.
Just like you can rebuild your body with real food, with real nutrition, you can literally transform your life. Just like your old body is no longer recognizable, so too will your new life be so different from your previous life. Perhaps, we can also see that in the word L Chaim. The word Chaim is translated from Hebrew to English as ‘Life’. But, really, that is not accurate. Chaim actually means lives, the plural of Chai, which means life. So, L Chaim is saying ‘to lives’ , to your old life and to your new life that you can create if you work on it. If we can rebuild our bodies, we can also rebuild the social structures of our lives. It will not look like the old life, but it will be a new life, and to that you can certainly say on the good fortune you have had to change your life ” L Chaim – To multiple Lives, the old and the new!”
Richard –
First and foremost, how many of us can say that we either maintained or lost weight during the holidays? I can say that I continue to lose as I could not bring myself to eat all of the heavy processed foods that are offered throughout the holidays. It was not easy being around family/friends as it always encompasses food but I knew that if I did not stick to my “new” eating habits, I would pay for it the next day by not feeling well!
And….another great post with very powerful statements! I commend you through all your work, the help that you are giving each of us in our greatest areas of need. I have to say that I truly can’t relate to what you and others have gone through with being estranged from your loved ones, but what I can relate to is the loss of loved ones even though my losses were due to death (husband & son)…loss is loss how ever it occurs. Yes I have had dark moments of despair and my journey these past few years have at times been very challenging, but I always remember one thing – God has given me life, therefore my life is to be lived! With that being said, I wish you and everyone else an awesome 2013! I look forward to reading your posts within the coming year and reading about the progress of others who have been inspired by you!
Happy New Year!
Thanks Nina, it is your and everyone else who keeps sharing their experiences which encourages me to keep writing mine, so we can all help each other…I am really going to bear down on myself for the new years resolutions….I will put up a post about that…and some are personal and might not make any sense to anyone else, but for me they are essential and I know will make my day feel right and better…
Hope you put up yours too…and take all your physical stats and how you are feeling in general…by this time next year, we will all be rocking..team effort!
Violet good for you and thanks for that motivation that we all need. I too am looking forward to a better future. I push myself to improve physically and mentally. I want to spend my remaining years happy and healthy. I wish you all the same. Richard keep us posted on your upcoming visits with your daughters and Grandchildren.
Hi Mary,
will do, youre young, keep pushing forward, working out, you see the difference it can make…I have to write about that soon, I just did some check on scale and body composition, and frankly pretty amazing..so, dont give up, ever…we are all going to support each other, team effort! 🙂
Robynann thank you for sharing. We are also recluse and our lif is FB as well, it hurts to see all the family photos especially at Christmas. I know this is not good and I plan to change that. Yesterday we had a nice Christmas dinner and we went for a drive with our Fur babies
Hi Mary, good for you for getting out of the house. No more recluse! Yesterday I went to the Frick museum here in the City. Art is always inspiring. They have Van Gogh’s ‘The Peasant’ on display, pretty cool!
Happy Holidays Richard. Thanks for all you do for us. You keep my spirits up that is the best gift I could ever get.
Hi Mary, Thanks so much. Happy Holidays to you! I am grateful that anything I have written or posted or shown has helped anyone at all, is motivating. You know that four or five years ago when I was in the deepest chasm of my depression and was looking for some way out, I dreamed that if I could find one, I would want to share it because I know how dark these rooms are where we sit and mourn internally. And believe me, everything that you write and share, is just as important, it encourages me and I am sure everyone else who is interested in leaving behind the dark rooms and building new ones that have some light! how are you feeling these days?
There’s a certain amount of humility and graciousness to your writing that is refreshing! I am behind you. I just watched a video from Fiddler on the Roof…had never seen the movie and found the whole movie there to watch later. To Life! I really need to get a life too Richard. My husband and I have become recluse; not good! Facebook has become my only social outlet and even there I am very guarded. Mary, I too feel like an abused person uncomfortable with kindness. I feel like crying if someone talks nice to me. Once I did, it was a complete stranger….she must have thought I was crazy when I started talking about my oldest grandson and broke down like as if he had died. He is alive…I am still alive but we are being kept apart. Hope to ‘gradually’ come out of this. If your thoughts have changed on this path maybe mine will change too?
Thanks for another inspiring, understanding post. I really appreciate your openness.
Tell me…how do you have two birthdays?
Hi Robynann,
So how did you like the fiddler on the roof movie? Have you gone out of your home with or without your husband recently cause you do not have to be a recluse. I can almost guarantee you that the more that you go out and do other things, the less you will focus on the ROE, the room of estrangement. I am not being cavalier about this stuff, it is certainly the most painful emotional void I have experienced, but I think we all know that sulking over it will not fix it. We do not know how to fix it. We have tried, we have called or emailed or texted or sent cards, what else to do? How much more time every day can be spent wallowing. The truth can also include another perspective that we are not privy to…what are they thinking, feeling…maybe this is the best that they can do, or maybe they feel that this is the only way that they can feel good . I dont know…but it is an angle I try to accept, because if that is the case, then I accept that I want them to be happy, and if this is the only way, I accept and want to find a new path of life for myself if it cannot include them. I know I will lose if I keep fighting reality. Accept what I cannot change, Change What I Can, Know The Difference. I hope you find something fun to do , your husband or yourself. One thing you might look into is volunteering. You could find a mentoring program for kids that have no parents or something else where you can impart your wisdom or time to people who need someone like you or your husband. Oh, 2 birthdays because my hebrew birthday is the seventh day of Teves, which is in the Jewish calendar that follows the lunar cycle which is 354 days a year, 11 days difference to the solar cycle. So the year I was born ,the english day fell out to be on the 11th of December, but it changes every year….and this year the day was on the 21st of December…that’s all..how are you guys doing in general, feeling any better physically?
Hello all of you. Mary Christmas to everyone here. I survived Christmas better than expected. It was the build up to the day that was hardest. Great post Richard! One of the hardest things to do in life is to get back up when we fall. But you know I once spent 3 days just lying on the ground, nobody phoned or visited. In the end I just got up and realised that it was all up to me. No one was going to do it for me. Like you all, it hurts me like crazy to be dumped by people I love. What can I do about it? Nothing. Will they care about me if I fall apart, if I get sick? Not likely. So yesterday, Christmas Day, I wished them a Merry Christmas in my head and got on with making a happy day with my son. I ate chocolate, ham, turkey, veg, salad and pav. Yummo! Today my thoughts are turning as to what it is that I now want from my life. Who do I want to be a part of it, where do I want to live and what are my moral codes for living? I have found that the last six months of estrangement have changed me in my attitude towards everyone. I find I no longer tolerate stupidity, selfishness, greed or laziness. My relationships even with my friends have altered because I have changed. I now know that I want to live a full life as a participator not a spectator, I want to get out and have fun, laugh and feel alive again. In ways I have not been able to before because I have always had so much responsibility with my family. So I want new friends too. One of my friends and I meet up every Thursday for lunch at the same place, same time. I said to her, Why can’t we go somewhere different? She just looked at me and said But why. And I replied because that’s what I need now. Something different. I’m not sure what, but I have made a list of the hobbies I personally enjoy and I have begun to make them a part of my life. As a man thinketh so he is. To Life! I’m in the boat and I’m paddling hard. To each of you, I wish the blessings of this season. May we each find our path.
Hi Violet, Glad to hear that you survived better than expected, that is great. sounds like you had a yum meal, good for you. Thanks for sharing and encouraging all of us to ‘get a life’, make new lives for ourselves, at least when things do change, your family will find a strong, happy you who is doing well, not lying on the ground. Hope you have a great New Year!
Hi Robyn,
How are you doing these days? Long time no hear,
Richard
That’s what I’m working on as well. I just started a new job and everybody is so nice. I realized that I feel uncomfortable with that almost like an abused person feeling uncomfortable with kindness so I have some work to do on myself.