Well, I did not answer the question I posed below, but I did head out to the gym.
Today I did 5 sets of 5 reps of squats with 135lbs, as amazing as that is to me, it is true.
I took a picture of what the bar looks like with that weight loaded on it, and hopefully this wednesday, I will get someone to take a picture or video of me doing the squats, maybe we should do video.
I think I have to stay at that weight though for a week or so, because it was a challenge.
To Seder Or Not To Seder?
That is my question for today.
Passover is like many other holidays, a time for family, a time to celebrate together.
It has been twelve years now since I had a Passover Seder with my immediate family.
The circumstances that led to such a painful reality are beyond the scope of a post.
But, suffice it to say that I am wondering if I should make an effort , take the time , to attend a community type of Seder.
The plus would be that I will be out of my apartment and in the company of people, will honor a 3400 year old tradition, might hear one or many good thoughts, teachings, lessons about the holiday.
The minus is that I have done the latter in the past, several times, and each time, I left the Passover Seder, sad that I was among strangers and not family, and sometimes, I left the event quite upset.
What does this have to do with getting into shape and staying in shape?
For me, it has alot to do with it.
There is no question that much of my descent into junk food binges were always fueled by a certain feeling of lack, an empty void inside that I was attempting to fill with processed food that would give me a high that I needed to still feel that I exist.
My actions over the last few years, and especially the last ten months, have been to find a way to stay focused on myself and not on the behavior of anyone else, to shoulder my own responsibilities and not say or think what someone else should be doing.
And this approach has been working out much better for me.
If my immediate family is not so interested in a connection with me, then I have to shoulder my own responsibility to create the person, the family that does.
So, number one, I have to want that connection with myself, meaning that I have to act in a manner that is good to me, which means the best type of living, thoughts, ideas , that I can do for myself.
I am a human, temporary entity, and subject to all the emotions that we all struggle with at one time or another.
But I cannot use the low feelings of rejection as an excuse to hurt myself in any way, physically or emotionally.
Low self esteem, rejection, sadness, anxiety, depression, all go hand in hand with self injury, whether it is with some type of addiction, food, alcohol, gambling, drugs, nail biting, obesity and even worse forms of self destruction.
I reached a point ten months ago where I said “Zehhu, it is enough!”, and that was to hurting myself with food, I said it is enough, I cannot solve my hurt feelings with ice cream and cookies.
As time went on, and as I have gotten stronger physically, I started to realize that I can say the same “Zehhu, it is enough!” in relationship to thoughts and moods, meaning, I can say it is enough, I cannot solve my hurt feelings by in a state of being of despondence or self pitying thoughts.
And nevertheless, though I have made alot of progress, holiday times are a definite challenge to me emotionally.
On one hand, I want to observe, honor the holiday which in the past has been a source of bonding with family, on the other hand, I am very reluctant to put myself in a situation that might lead to feeling isolated…so bottom line, at this moment, i am struggling with the sadness of estrangement.
Yep, I am sulking a bit, feel ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, rejected, blah blah blah.
I will go to the gym now and see if a workout can help me snap out of it, perhaps I will be able to do 135lbs, so what, but maybe it will help spice things up, give me some zest, something to get out of this funk.
In the meantime I did 51 consecutive full pushups. The last 10 were definitely not so simple, but got through them.
so , what do you think?
To go to a seder or not?
Probably not a totally fair question, but just putting it out there…I have about 5 hours to make a decision, what is your opinion?
How To Get Fit Fast - Fat Loss and Strength Gain Chart
|Date||Body Weight||Body Fat Percentage||Pushups or Pullups||Squats (below Parallel)||Deadlift|
|Monday December 23, 2013, Day 8||195lbs||22.7%||5 sets of 17 + 8 + 7 = 100 in under 10 minutes||5 sets of 75lbs, warm up with 45lbs, rest between 2 and 5 minutes between sets|
|Sunday December 22, Day 7||196lb||22.9%||5 sets of 16||none||none|
|Saturday, December 21, Day 6||197.5lbs||23%||5 sets of 16||none||none|
|Friday December 20, Day 5||199lb||23.3%||5 sets of 14||70lb||none|
|Thursday December 19, Day 4||200lb||23.5%||5 sets of 13||65lbs||none|
|Wednesday December 18, Day 3||202lb||23.8%||5 sets of 12||60lbs||none|
|Tuesday December 17, Day 2||204.5||23.9%||5 sets of 11||55lbs||none|
|Monday December 16, 2013 Day 1||205lb||24%||5 sets of 10||45lb bar||none|
|October 31, 2013 Day 5 of the 30 Day Adventure||Pullups - today shoot for using 85lbs on the stack assist. |
Did 4 sets with 85lbs, will shoot for 5 sets on sunday or monday..
|Rest||Shoot for 5 sets of 120lbs, going up 5 lbs from Wednesday|
did 4 sets of 120lbs...will shoot for 5 sets again on monday..or next time ...it was tiring...grr
|October 30, 2013, Day 4 of Hashi Mashi 2||Today did maximum number of pushups possible. I have not tried that for many months and glad that I have gotten back to it. I did 40 which is not awful in the scheme of things, so that actually motivated me. I also did sets of pushups in between squats, 21 pushups between each set of squats.||5 sets of 5 reps using 70lbs||Rest|
|October 29, third day of this 30 day Hashi Mashi Adventure, results so far have been promising, 5lbs down and 1% bodyfat down. Keep going||Today did pullups using 90lbs on the stack and will shoot for going down to 85lbs||Rest||5 sets of 115lbs, did one set of 135lbs, so not too far back but have to make progress slowly|
|October 28, 2013 Wow it has been way too long since I was keeping track, but better late than never!||5 sets of 20 pushups, will take some time till I can build back up to the max pushups that I was doing which was 56 back in April||5 sets of 5 only using 55lbs, it will take time to build up again to 130lbs...it is a good thing I still had this table so I can see how fast I have lost strength over the last 6 months.||Rest|
|April 3, 2013 Day 286||Shoot for sets today, not max..||warm up with 45lbs2x5, 65lbx1, 95lbsx2, then 115lbs x1 then 120lbs 5setsx5reps - did them..should stay at 120 till it feels easy enough to move up to 125||shoot for 150lbs...good form.....decided to stay at 135lbs...1set of 5 reps...that was enough for today, did not want to push it! max 155 or 160..see how we feel..|
|April 2, 2013 Day 285||Rest Pushups - Take a Break!||Rest||Rest|
|April 1, 2013 Day 284||56 full pushups - the last 10 were purty difficult...||warm up with 45lbs2x5, 65lbx1, 95lbsx2, then 115lbs x1 then 120lbs 5setsx5reps - did them..should stay at 120 till it feels easy enough to move up to 125||Rest|
|March 29, 2013 Day 281||Will shoot for 52/53||Have to see if I can do any! And I did..whew...warm up with 45lbs2x5, 65lbx1, 95lbsx2, then 115lbs 5setsx5reps...did not feel too bad...happy I could do them..kept strict form...now rest for 2 days..||shoot for 150lbs...good form.....decided to stay at 135lbs...1set of 5 reps...that was enough for today, did not want to push it!|
|March 27, 2013 Day 279||52 - went up 1||135lbs 4 sets of 5, felt pull in right thigh...so stopped at 4 sets, will go down in weight||Rest|
|March 25, 2013 Mon Day 277||51 - went up 1, the last 5 were pretty difficult, consecutive full pushups||135lbs 5 sets of 5 reps, these were so @#$ hard, went up 5lbs but think I might have to stay here for a week or so till I am moving the weight easier||165lbs is the goal for today, did warmups of 95, 135 and 155 and then 1 set of 5 reps of 165lbs. I think the form can be better, so stay at this weight in the meantime.|
|March 23, 2013 Sat Day 275||50 - Yeeha! Did many shoulder dislocations for warmup||130lbs is my new High, 5 sets of 5 repetitions, up 5lbs from last workout.||Rest Deadlift|
|March 22, 2013 Fri Day 274||Rest - Wedding Celebration|
|March 21, 2013 Thur Day 273||Rest|
|March 20, 2013 Wed Day 272||Rest||125lbs 5 sets of 5 reps, went up||155lbs 1 set of 5 reps, up 5lbs using mixed grip, left overhand, right underhand|
|March 19, 2013 Tue Day 271||45 pushups first set max||Rest||Rest|
|March 18, 2013||Chest so sore, could not even do 1!||120lbs 5 sets of 5 reps, went up||Off Today|
|March 15, 2013||41 repetitions nose to floor, yea, i have a long nose||115lbs 5 sets of 5 reps, went up 5lbs from the previous workout||150lbs 1set of 5 reps, up 10lbs|
|March 13, 2013||40rep max||110lbs 5 sets of 5 reps||140lbs 1 x 5|
|June 21, 2012||1||2 repetitions using 45lb bar||2 reps 45lb bar|