Silent Treatment Is Abuse
Silent treatment abuse is also known as The Silent Treatment.
And anyone going through it knows the pain.
So, you might have many questions, such as:
- How long can the silent treatment last
- Can you counter or win the silent treatment
- How to deal with the silent treatment
- Finally, how to handle silent treatment abuse with dignity
Passive Aggressive Silent Treatment
The definition of passive-aggressive silent treatment behavior is when the person you want to have or fix relationship counters with the refusal to engage in any conflict resolution by giving you the cold shoulder.
The silent treatment is not only an abuse tactic of romantic or intimate relationships, it also occurs between friends or parents and children during a marriage or after a divorce.
You could be reaching out to a:
- son, or
with the intent of resolving an issue, but their response is silence.
And this emotional manipulation and pain can go on for years, if not for a lifetime.
The purpose of this post is to offer encouragement and tips if you find yourself on the receiving end of the silent treatment, the mother of all passive-aggressive abuse tactics.
Suffering in Silence: The Emotional Abuse of Men | Dr. Timothy Golden
How Long Will The Silent Treatment Last?
The effects of the silent treatment are the source of much of my depression and obesity
I began the Hashi Mashi Plan on June 21, 2012, to improve myself in areas that I could control because I had to find a way to cope with the mental and emotional pain caused by ten years of the silent treatment.
So, I lived with the silent treatment for a long time, actually longer than I could have ever imagined, and these are my thoughts on how best to deal with the silent treatment.
Depression and Obesity
The answer is everything because if there is one passive-aggressive behavior on earth that could cause you to feel bad and depressed, it is the silent treatment.
And it is not unusual that depression can lead to obesity or vice versa; the links are undeniable.
How Silent Treatment Abuse Leads to Depression
It is natural for a person existing in the world to relate to their colleagues, their family, their friends.
There is no time in life when your communication is cut off except for death because only in the end is there total silence.
You wish that you could communicate with your family or friends that have passed.
But alas, it is always too late after the end of life.
However, in life, when the potential still exists, to communicate with those you love or do not love, there are many times that you do not exercise that potential.
Since only death creates total silence without communication, it is for this reason that the silent treatment is such a deadly weapon.
The Walking Dead
People wield the silent treatment as a form of punishment, as a weapon against you to remove you from life.
They treat you as if you are already dead.
As a result, you feel like you do not exist, as if you are the walking dead when you are receiving the silent treatment.
They create the illusion that, in fact, you no longer exist, so it is impossible to communicate with you.
I guess that we have all been on both sides of the silent treatment.
At one time or another, we became so angry or hurt by someone else that we decided to never speak to them again.
We decided that for us, they are dead, they do not exist. Therefore there is no more speech.
We decided to exclude them from our life because whatever they did to us or said to us was so hurtful or painful.
And at one time or another, the same has happened to us, where someone, a friend, neighbor or relative, became so angry or hurt from our words or behavior, that they decided to kill us off with their silence.
How do you deal with the silent treatment, from a friend, from family, from a parent, or a child?
I think everything because I had a tough time stringing any reasonable days together of self-improvement until I had a plausible narrative in my mind of how to interpret and respond to the estrangement nightmare.
I would move forward a little and then fall off the wagon.
Now, I think I have enough of a sense of acceptance and desire to share some thoughts on the subject that might be helpful to others and continue to be beneficial for me.
Silent Treatment Abuse – Climbing in Life on Your Own – Scaling the Walls of Silence
The silent treatment is an inevitable part of life.
Of course, it is sad to experience the silent treatment in life.
It is enough that there is no possibility for communication in death, and it is absurd to implement it during our lifetime, but that is what happens.
Human emotions result in this type of war.
Wars are not only fought with tanks and missiles.
People fight wars with words and with no words, and this type of war, the silent treatment, is a battle with no words.
Narcissists Silent Treatment: How to Handle
How Do You Respond to the Silent Treatment?
Let’s assume that you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment.
There are a few options:
1. Do not contact your silencer. Accept it and move on with your own life.
2. Try to appease your silencer, attempt to create peace, and attempt to have your silencer bring you back to life because the silencer has effectively treated you as if you are dead, so you want to live and look to the silencer to confer life upon you again.
3. Sporadically do number two, once a month, or once a year, send a birthday card or good wishes for other events that you know are taking place in your silencer’s life.
What is the best path?
What is the most effective path?
If you think about it, your silencer has made their own decision, which they are free to make.
Whether there was an influence or not, from either you or your behavior or people around them, they have decided to cut you off.
I believe that if you have an idea of your role in the cutoff, I think it is reasonable to make an effort to contact your silencer, apologize, and mend the fences.
Hopefully, your silencer will then accept your apology, and you can continue to be friends, family, lovers, or whatever you were before the silent treatment.
Many couples and many romantic relationships do follow this type of pattern, live, fight, makeup, live, fight, makeup.
And due to the fragility of:
- the human ego,
- our sensitivities and
- our desire to be respected and have dignity,
it does not take much to create a war between people.
So, it seems like a natural reaction to a perceived hurt or injustice to either openly shout at the offender or to take the passive approach of silencing the offender.
I think shouting at the offender is preferable; at least there is still communication in that scenario, and you have a chance to work things out.
The silent treatment simulates death, where there are no chances to work anything out; it is all over.
So, if you have:
- already taken action to attempt to mend fences.
- made an effort to reach out to your silencer and to make peace,
but still, the silencer keeps you at a distance and pretends that you do not exist.
In this case, I think that the best course of action is to move on.
I know it is easier said than done.
- What if your silencer is your parent?
- What if your silencer is your husband or wife?
- Or worse, what if your silencer is your son or daughter?
To move on is a tough one in these cases.
However, the fact is that your silencer has made this decision.
And you had also decided to do what you could to resolve the dispute.
You cannot resolve a dispute unilaterally.
You need two people to fight, and you need the two minds to make up as well.
How long should you keep trying to make up with a silencer?
Weeks, months, years?
How many years do you keep trying to win over their affection or to just their acknowledgment that you are still alive and that silence is only for death?
The answer should be clear.
Yes, attempt to make up, especially if you believe that your words or actions were a prime reason for your silencer’s choice of war.
Hopefully, there is enough love and connection between you to heal the wound and get on with life in the world.
But after you have made several attempts, and it is still not accepted, you only have one option.
Stop chasing after a person who is silencing you.
In their world, they have cut you off.
You are no longer part of it.
Stop pursuing them.
Leave them alone.
You no longer exist for them, so stop pretending that you do.
They have decided to pretend, so let them live in their illusion.
Start chasing your own life
Instead, start chasing your own life.
Take care of yourself, your mind, and your body.
Use this simple guide to lose 20 pounds in 3 months if you need to lose weight.
There are magical benefits to losing only 20 pounds, even for your mental health.
And then begin to focus on your physical health with a 12 Week Deadlift Program for Beginners.
Yes, as a former user of antidepressants, I say that deadlifts are the best natural alternative to Prozac.
Make new friends, make a new family, create a new life, as best as you can.
Stop running after people that do not acknowledge you and start to focus on those who do.
Of course, it is natural for all of us; nobody wants enemies, and nobody wants to die before their time, and the silent treatment kills people off way before their time, while they are still living, and it is a tremendous source of pain.
So that is why it is so critical to start living again.
Your silencer has given you the death sentence, and you are locked up in solitary confinement, your silencer has already executed you.
The best path is to have the courage and conviction to know that your silencer is just an imperfect human.
Your silencer is wrong, the sentence is wrong, the execution is wrong, and you must not continue to behave as if it is correct.
You have to dissolve the connections in your mind, which force you to continue to beg and plead for your silencer’s affection or attention.
Silent Treatment Abuse – Final Thoughts
You have a choice.
Do you want to accept your silencer’s version of you?
That you no longer exist?
Do you want to accept your silencer’s narrative?
Your other choice is the choice of truth.
You know that you exist.
You are alive today, so live it.
Pay attention to people who treat you well.
Pay attention to taking care of yourself.
You must live in truth, and the truth is that you are alive, so stop playing with the people that treat you as if you are not.
Have a good meal, have a good workout, have as much fun today as you can, rejoice in your life now, and live it.
Start making goals for yourself that are real in the sense that it is up to you, and no one else to implement them.
Stop looking to your silencer or estranger to permit you to live.
Live now with your permission.
Permit yourself to live.
Get up, stop mourning, start living, do as much as you can to help yourself, and help others who want your help.
That is how to handle silent treatment abuse with dignity.
Note – If you think you have an abusive partner or are in an abusive relationship or abusive situation and need immediate support, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Get selfish and be sure to take care of yourself, and rebuild your mind, and your body.
Use SYSTEM 5 – a simple guide to lose 20 pounds in 3 months if you are overweight or obese.
And then focus on your physical health with a 12 Week Deadlift Program for Beginners.
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