Starting Over After Divorce
Are you afraid about starting over after divorce? Your fear is understandable because starting over after divorce is a mine filled field. You have many obstacles; financial, relationships, the death of your marriage, tensions with children, family, friends and how to keep your head on straight at work. You no longer live in your marital home and might not even live in your former community.
When you are starting over after divorce, you need to be tough. As strong as possible. Not only do you have your ex against you, but it is likely that your kids are not too happy with you either. And on top of everything, the biased legal system steamrolls your life. You are likely angry, sad and depressed. And you have no clue who to turn to. You are in danger of collapsing from psychological, financial, divorce court and work pressures all at the same time.
If you are in court right now, listen to your lawyer and stop listening to friends/family/coworkers. Everyone thinks they are an expert, but they are not experts at divorce law. You pay your lawyers big bucks. Let them do the worrying for you.
Your job is to stay as healthy as possible, in mind and body.
Now is the time to get even more strict about good health habits. You need to level up your game of thought, speech and action. You are in a dark hell right now. You might not see any light, just like the story of Jeremy L., a divorced father who committed suicide after divorce.
Here is a point that you must remember:
- There is a future, but it will be different than the past you yearn for.
- You want to live with your kids, wake them up, put them to bed, watch them grow up.
- When you accept this scenario is no longer real, you will recover from the assault of the court on your will to live.
You, your ex and your children should all live a better life in the future. However, the divorce court slaughter houses of men need to modify the laws, so that they are fair to both parents. That is in the best interest of the children.
Assisted suicide by the divorce courts is not in the best interest of the children.
There is only so much that a human being can take, and it is time that divorce courts start treating men as human beings who love their children and not as ATM machines. Remember, you are not alone, reach out to contact me any time. Do not become another divorce and suicide statistic.
The 10 Rules for men starting over after divorce are:
1. Stop Grieving and Start Imagining a Bright Future
- Make the Choice to Rebuild Your Vineyard, your Life –Make the decision right now to rebuild your life.
- Select a Field that is Bright – we need bright thoughts and positive thoughts to rebuild.
- Seed the Field – Plant good thoughts, expectations and images of the future.
- Water the Field – Eat real food daily, nourish your body and mind.
- Harvest the vineyard – Be grateful for what you have right now.
- Winnowing – Focus on the best and not the worst.
- Pressing the wine – Get the most out of what you have right now, like squeezing the juice from the best grapes.
- Drinking the Wine – we should appreciate as often as possible the gift of life, with our family and friends.
2. Action is Better than Keeping a Journal
Terry: Why is estrangement so common in divorced families?Dr. Joshua Coleman: Divorce greatly increases the risk of estrangement. It often creates a fundamental reshaping of alliances and can place parents at risk for greater distance from their children. Whether it’s a grey divorce or a breakup when the child is young, it often causes a child to see parents as winners and losers.Second, it can create the opportunity for parental alienation where one parent poisons the child against the other parent. Children, especially when they are young, are vulnerable after divorce.Next, divorce can also bring new people into a child’s life (new sibling, half sibling, step-parent) and they may feel they have to compete for love, attention, or resources. Finally, in our culture, divorce can cause a child to see their parent as an individual with their own attributes and liabilities—and less of a family unit that they’re part of.7)
3. Stay Positive and Do Not Lean on your Guy Friends
4. Start Strength Training, not Antidepressants
As far as deadlift/strength training gear goes, weightlifting requires a small area and a minimum amount of equipment available in most gyms that have free weights. Or you can set up a home gym in a small area of your basement or garage with these tools for weightlifting and fitness.