Divorce

Why Men Suicide After Divorce

Men commit suicide after divorce at a rate 3 – 4 times higher than women, a shocking divorce and suicide statistic.¹⁾https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/ And marital breakdown is a factor.²⁾The Canadian Mental Health Association “The tipping point for many men is divorce,” says Prof. John Oliffe, a University of B.C. psychology researcher. Professor Oliffe is part of a team fighting male depression and suicide.

“Divorce is a classic factor in suicide because divorced men are at high risk to become isolated.  There are so many examples of good men ending their own lives.”

North American divorced men are eight times more likely to commit suicide than women. Professor AJ Kposowa used data to analyze the effects of marital status on suicide risk.³⁾Department of Sociology, University of California He found that divorced men were more than twice as likely to commit suicide as married men. And he found that divorced men are almost 10 times more likely to kill themselves than divorced women.⁴⁾https://vancouversun.com/news/staff-blogs/men-and-suicide-the-silent-epidemic

The yearly suicide rate for divorced men highlights the urgency of this disaster.

The research of AJ Kposowa reveals that each year, more than 3,600 divorced men — about 10 every day — commit suicide.⁵⁾Kposowa AJ. Marital status and suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health 2000; 54: 254-261.

Divorce should mean the end of a marriage, not the end of life, for a man, or a woman.

Something is wrong with a divorce process that results in the death of so many men, fathers, husbands, sons and brothers. Why should any man marry knowing that there is clear data that divorce means certain death for so many men? And for every divorced man that commits suicide,  his children are left behind, haunted and traumatized by their father’s death. First, the children have the trauma of their parents divorce. Second, they experience the unimaginable; the permanent loss of their father.

Not to mention the families of the divorcing men who prefer to kill themselves than live. The high rate of suicide among divorced men is an indictment of the flawed legal divorce process. No divorce should end in death, only an amicable separation of the marriage.

We must condemn the legal divorce process which results in the death of 3,600 men every year.

Read the research paper of AJ Kposowa research paper on divorce and suicide here: https://jech.bmj.com/content/57/12/993

Do you wonder why your husband killed himself after divorce?

The purpose of this article is to:

1. Help prevent men from committing suicide after divorce.
2. Explain why divorce makes men more suicidal than women.
3. Serve as a survival guide for men (and those who love them) going through or after a divorce.

17 Reasons Why Men Suicide After Divorce

The Wrong Reasons Assumed for Why Men Suicide After Divorce

Some say that men commit suicide after divorce because they do not want to pay child support or alimony. Let’s examine that assumption; is that a believable reason for a man to suicide? A man who has spent most of his waking hours supporting his family. Will such a man decide to take his life now because he cannot bear the thought of providing for his kids?

The answer of course is no.

It is akin to saying that people will commit suicide when their taxes go up. Or because they have to pay higher health care premiums. This smacks of a snarky gender condescension. It is an insult to the men who do commit suicide. To trivialize the act of suicide down to escaping a financial burden, no matter how heavy that weight is.

Some claim men cannot handle the rejection of their wife.

However, divorce from a spouse is a different issue than divorce from your children. The parents are the ones who divorce. No man or woman should suffer divorce from their children. Men do not commit suicide after divorce because they cannot see their ex again.

Men commit suicide after divorce when they no longer have a relationship with their children.

Others say men suicide after divorce, because men need a woman to take care of them. What a ridiculous reason for a man to off himself. Lets see a fuller picture why divorce and suicide is more of an issue for men than women.

Recommended Reading:
How to Find Purpose in Life Despite Estrangement from your Children

1.  The Deadbeat Dad Label

Who is a deadbeat? The father of course. Even if he pays the child support and/or alimony imposed by the court. Why is the father always a deadbeat? Because the child support and alimony payment will always result in less money for his ex and kids. The divided family now has to support two rents or two mortgages, for two households.

His ex and kids are will feel the pain of less money as a result of the divorce.

Access to less money than in the past, leads to open hostility to the father. Even if he pays the exact amount ordered by the court, there is a new false narrative that he does not pay his fair share. Do you think you can escape being accused of deadbeat dad if you are a famous millionaire? Even Brad Pitt cannot escape, what chance does the common man have?

Now Pitt pals are fuming to Page Six of the New York Post that the “Seven” star has in fact been forking over hundreds of thousands a month — and that Jolie is just trying to smear her ex by claiming he’s a “deadbeat dad.”

Take action to protect yourself: Get the book 10 ways to avoid being a deadbeat dad.

2. Alienation and Estrangement from Children

What happens when the mother considers the division of money by the court to be unfair? Or fair but still unsatisfactory? The father almost has no chance of ever having a good relationship with his children again. His status changes from dad to ’deadbeat dad’. The mother will impute that the father can afford more money than the court decided. He is in a losing battle for the heart and minds of his kids.

3. Financial Ruin

A man can end up paying 50 % of his income for child support and alimony, with another 20 or 30% on taxes, and debt from legal fees. If he is poor, he will not feel much difference in his lifestyle. The court does not have much to take from him. And, if he is wealthy, he can hire lawyers who will protect him from the court. He too will not feel much of a difference after divorce.

4. Criminalization of a Law Abiding Citizen

Men report feeling as if the judge or opposing attorney in divorce court treat them like criminals. But his job, which the divorce court holds with high regard, treats him like a human being. This creates cognitive dissonance and the mental stress of living in conflicting realities. At his job, where the court wants him to remain successful to provide child support, he is not held in contempt .  

6. The ’Dangerous’ Libel

Men are vulnerable to character assassination by the court and their ex. A common tactic of the opposing divorce lawyer is to persuade the judge that a father who loves his children, is dangerous. Or depressed. Fear is a great persuader. If the judge believes there is a credible fear that the father is dangerous, he will lose his relationship with his kids.

All it takes is for the opposing side to accuse him of being dangerous.

Even if the accusation is false, it is difficult to prove it false. Because it is now a he said / she said argument. And the judge will decide in favor of protecting the children from a ’dangerous father’.

7. Needing a Supervisor

Needing a supervisor to see your own children is a huge humiliation. Imagine if you can no longer be alone with your children. This further cements the idea in your children’s minds that you are dangerous. As a result, their fear grows and they no longer relish the idea of being in your company. Not only do you have to see you kids with a supervisor, you are also the one who has to pay for the time of the supervisor.

Imagine this disgrace.

8. Loss of Total Identity

Men after divorce are usually the ones who lose more than their marriage. Besides the marriage, he also loses his children, friends and family who may now have become distant. As a result, he no longer recognizes his life.

How do men after divorce feel about their life?

They feel cut out of their own family portrait. As if they no longer exist or never existed, because the family they helped to create, is gone.

9. Shock

Men often do not see the signs that their relationship is in trouble. By the time their wife decides to start divorce proceedings, it is too late. Unfortunately for men, they are not great mind readers. Unless their wife communicates that there are problems in their marriage. It is not enough to say that he should have known there is a problem from the signs.

As a result, his wife knows that she is over and done with the marriage. Sometimes years before her husband ever had a clue.

10. The Loss of Reality

Which brings us to the point of non existence. A man after divorce, is more likely to feel as if he has lost all touch with reality. For his ex, she remains in the marital home, and she remains with the children. She is not treated like a pariah by the child support agency, the court or court appointed guardians.

Her reality is not too different from her life before divorce.

Other than the fact that her ex is no longer in the home. But, for him, his life is upside down. Suicide becomes a much more attractive option than constant degradation.

11. Disgrace Kills, Not Divorce

The court does not decide divorce cases overnight. The divorce process can take years.

First comes the delivery of the divorce action to appear at the opposing lawyer’s office or to appear in court. Imagine you receive a subpoena on your front lawn in front of your kids or neighbors. Or in your office in front of your coworkers and boss.

You will experience a mountain of disgrace.

Once your office and co workers are aware of the divorce proceedings, a cloud will hang over your head. Instead of working, you will prepare net worth statements. You will try to keep up with lawyer fees, and juggle court dates and your job. Your work will suffer.

12. A Catastrophic Year or More

The divorce process can take one to two years, sometimes longer. If he is not able to keep focus on his job, he runs the risk of losing his employment. Imagine you lose your children, marriage, home, friends, neighbors and career, in the same year. This explains the connection of divorce and suicide.

13. Loss of Love and Affection

Your ex-wife still has the love and affection of her children and how they need her.  The children have their own trauma and have already lost their father.  He is gone from their physical space and is a deadbeat in their heads.  Even when he is complying with the court.   All the father feels is that everyone is angry at him for not providing enough money.  Even when he gives as ordered by the court, the expectation is that he should be giving more. 

14. No Support

A man is less likely to have the emotional and friend support that a woman has.  Especially if he has been working in a career during his marriage.   A woman is more likely to have developed emotional bonds outside of her job with friends.   A man is more likely to focus on his work.  When the divorce hits, he is only left with work and no more emotional support from his family.

15. Negative Side Effects of Antidepressants

When women prepare for divorce, one strategy they are advised to use by friends or lawyers, is to get her husband on antidepressants. They suggest and sometimes insist that their husband take medications for ’your own good’, or to ’take off the edge’.

This is a big mistake.

Once you are on antidepressants, you are now assumed to be ’flawed’ and someone to fear. The greatest persuader is fear of danger. And a man on antidepressants becomes a frightful character in the eyes of the law. Now that you are on meds, the judge assesses that you might be dangerous. Now, the judge will rule to order visitation with a supervisor.  

16. No Future

Some men after divorce see no future.  His wife still has a life and family, the children, and/or friends.  He sees a life of struggling to pay the bills, avoiding jail,  and with no emotional feedback.  And worse, no relationship with his kids.

What is the point of living?

He sees no path to living a good life.  The mental pain of knowing that he has no path to a good life leads a man think that the best course of action is to end his life now.  Why?  Because he feels that the key aspects of his life, which gave his life meaning, are over.  So, since it is already over, he might as well end it.

17. From Dad to ’Visitor’ or ’Him’

How do you recreate your life, after ten, twenty or thirty years of marriage dissolves? The wife’s life is much the same, the father’s is in upheaval. The losses of marriage, children, income, home, security, stability, and pride. They all happen in a short amount of time.

This causes enough shock and humiliation to the father to contemplate suicide.

She is still the mother and the father becomes a ’visitor’.No one likes to lose their status. The demotion from father to visitor or ‘him’ is a catastrophic humiliation.

How Divorce and Suicide Courts Slaughter Men

Do you think characterizing the  ’legal’ divorce court process as a ’slaughter house’ of men is an exaggeration? Do you think it is too over the top? Have you read the story of Jeremy A. from Canada who committed suicide after divorce court screwed him? The divorce court and his exes caused the suicide of Jeremy A.

They committed against Jeremy many of the egregious 17 reasons divorce and suicide is a fatal brew for men noted above.

The ’legal’ actions they took against Jeremy are a disgrace. This divorce court, judge, plaintiff’s attorney and his exes all have blood on their hands. Just because the legal system weaponized divorce courts against men is not a reason to use them.

Every wife must be aware that if she unleashes the manhating divorce court against her husband, it can result in his suicide.

Next time you hear an ex wife wonder why her husband committed suicide after divorce, have her read this excerpt of what Lawrence Killium of Meninist reported in March of 2017:

In today’s courts system, divorce courts are clearly stacked against men. One only has to look at the historical data to see that women are unfairly granted child custody about 85% of the time, and receive over 94% of all child support dollars paid. These battles can be vicious, full of conflict, and can rage for years. 

In Canada, such a struggle has unfortunately ended in tragedy. Jeramey A. (the media isn’t using his full name since some of his children share it) was involved in a legal battle with between an ex-wife with two daughters, a former fiancée who has a young son, and his present wife.

According to Canadian news outlet, The National Post:

[Jeramey] unsuccessfully had applied for an order varying the amount of child and spousal support he had to pay his former wife, a total of $6,500 a month. She in turn was seeking he be found in contempt of another order and fined an additional $10,000; the judge adjourned those issues.

Another woman, with whom he’d been briefly engaged and fathered a son after his divorce, was seeking retroactive and ongoing child support for their son.

Both those applications were successful, bringing his total child and spousal debt to about $8,000 a month, but then, in fairness, that woman is herself a family court lawyer.

Early on the morning of March 9, Jeramey apparently rigged his truck so that when he drove down an embankment at the end of Page Road in Abbotsford, B.C., his neck would break.

Jeremy’s Suicide Note

In a scrawled and bloody suicide note found in the truck, he wrote:

“FAMILY LAW NEEDS REFORM. I recommend mandated lower costs and less reward for false claims of abuse. Parental Alienation is devastating. I loved my children as much as a husband and father could. I see no light. Recommend; an authority consistent during high conflict separations: It is exploited in family law.

“Sorry Dad and Angie. I’m very sorry.”

This is devastating. This is a man that, because of how the law is structured, felt like he had nowhere else to go. He ended up declaring bankruptcy, and paid more than $330,000 in legal fees, according to his wife.

He was chased by family management agencies, and even had agencies moving to take away his driver’s licence and passport. His ex wife was even supposed to get his pension.

On top of that, he hadn’t been able to see his daughters for almost a year, they had been completely separated from him.

Angela knew he was in despair, but weeps that she didn’t realize the depths of it. “I just didn’t know,” she sobbed on the phone. “If he could have seen those girls, he could have handled all this, the National Post reported.

“His bank accounts were locked, he lost his homes, his vehicle, his business. You emasculate a man and take away his ability to provide — he’s a human being. He has limits,” Angie said.

Hopefully we can learn from this tragedy, and bring the change we need into the court systems that push people to these lengths.

See the full story as reported by Christie Blatchford in the National Post here: https://nationalpost.com/opinion/christie-blatchford-b-c-man-blamed-cruelty-of-family-court-battle-for-driving-him-to-suicide

Why do you think men suicide after divorce more than women?

Now that you know the major reasons men suicide after divorce, learn how to save your own life after divorce or that of a friend or family member. Read starting over after divorce now.

Life after divorce is not an easy road.

Anyone who has struggled with the pain and ramifications of divorce knows that.

The question is, what can you do right now to help rebuild your life after divorce?

What can you do today to ensure that you do not plunge into despair?

If you are wondering how to deal with your new life after divorce, read on.

As you know, divorce can present new challenges, family, health, financial and career.

You need a simple guide to navigate life after divorce.

Please let me know if this attempt helps!

The Top 10 Life After Divorce Commandments

1. Hold on to your Job!

The first commandment to continue your life after divorce is to hold on to your job!

You will need this job for many reasons.

You need your job for money of course.

And if you are the one that will be paying child support, then you really need more money than ever.

Going from an income that supports one family to an income that supports two families is going to be a challenge.

But there are other reasons why you need to hold on to your job that go beyond money.

You need your job so you can rest your head from your divorce stress.

Many people in the throes of divorce make the mistake of focusing on their divorce and taking their eyes off the ball of their job.

This is not a criticism if you are doing that right now.

It is very hard to think of anything else other than the nightmare of divorce.

However, losing focus on your job is a very big mistake.

You might already have given 10 to 20 or even 30 years of your life towards your career.

Do not sabotage your career because of the divorce.

Instead, use your job for therapy and self esteem, which I will elaborate on now:

2. Use your Job as Therapy

You ask, how do I hold onto my job?

I am going crazy having conversations with myself because my soon to be ex does not want to talk!

The lawyers are involved, they are draining my account, I have to go to court, I cannot focus!

You are going to have to get very disciplined.

This leads you to the second commandment to save your life after divorce.

Instead of going to a shrink, let the job be your shrink so to speak.

Go into your office on fire!

Throw yourself so deep into your work, that your colleagues and boss will love the new you.

Using your job as therapy, having something to think about deeply, instead of your divorce is going to help you.

You will be setting yourself up for a much better life after divorce if you still have your career intact.

Getting more aggressive and focused at work is counter intuitive.

We have all seen the movies and shows of workers discussing their divorce situation at work and resolving their problems in one way or another.

Life after divorce is not a movie and does not play like one with a script.

Real life after divorce will be true hell if you don’t hang on to your job.

So, as soon as you read this post, if you are in the middle of a divorce, or you know a co worker or friend who is, make sure that they sober up and get focused on their job.

You can help save your own or their life after divorce with this adjustment.

Pour your soul into your job during the hours that you are there.

Use all that time to take a respite from your divorce.

3. Do Not Speak about Your Divorce in the Office!

Do not bring your divorce woes into the office.

Do not start talking with your boss and colleagues about your divorce.

As soon as you bring your divorce story into the office, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Your boss and colleagues might view you as incapable of performing your job.

This can spell trouble, no matter how great you have been in their eyes in the past.

Keep your personal life personal.

Even if you are very close with your office mates, do not let them in on what is going on with your divorce.

You must, must and must save your career.

This is a very tough commandment to keep.

You are going to be reeling from lawyer demands to provide net-worth statements and respond to actions taken by your soon to be ex spouse.

Without your career, your life after divorce is going to be much more difficult than if you can stay employed.

Unemployment is not and should never be an option.

You must hold onto your job.

Your office mates might be friendly with you, but mainly, they are at work to make money, not to be your shrink.

You have to very careful to not bring up your divorce.

They should know nothing and not notice any change in your demeanor or work ethic.

If your boss or colleagues notice a big change, a seismic change, you are setting yourself up for a lower salary or even worse, losing your position or career.

Do not do it, do not succumb to the temptation to speak with everyone in the office about what you are going through.

This will do nothing to help you create a good or better life after divorce.

So, who do you talk to? What do you do when your mind is full of your divorce problems and you need to speak about them?

You know that as the divorce lawyers are draining your bank accounts, every single contact with them will just peel off another three to four hundred dollars.

Therefore, the third commandment is to stop speaking to your office and business partners about your divorce.

You have to hold on to your job.

If you want to have any type of good life after divorce, stay employed.

Don’t cry to anyone at work.

Any reader of Hashi Mashi knows that removing the junk food from your life is the first step to getting stronger physically.

Likewise, talking about your divorce at work is like junk food for your career.

You cannot afford to sabotage your career by letting your work colleagues, employees and/or bosses know what is happening in your personal life.

4. Speak to Family or Clergy

So, who are you going to speak to when you are not at work?

We have already established that during this major time of stress, you have to actually do better at your job than ever before.

To hold onto your job and to provide actual stress relief from the divorce proceedings.

When the emotions of divorce are overwhelming you, you have to speak to someone close, who cares about you.

As noted above, work is not the place to speak about the pangs of divorce that you are experiencing.

You need to find emotional support from either friends or family or even clergy.

As long as you do not work with or for them, pour your heart out.

The purpose here is not to malign your soon to be ex, because you can bet your life on the fact that every word you say will make it’s way back to your spouse.

Getting thoughts and feelings off of your chest is merely to speak about your feelings.

Talking to family and friends does not mean talking trash about your husband or wife.

Especially if you have children, know that everything you say, will eventually be known by them.

Do you really want to trash your kid’s mother or father?

So, talk about your own feelings, great, but do not use this time as an opportunity to spread rumors around that will hurt your spouse or children.

And speaking to family, friends or clergy does not mean rehashing or creating narratives or sharing ugly stories that are between you and your spouse.

Your marriage was private and should stay private.

Guaranteed that every word that you say which exposes your private marriage to public consumption, you will regret.

5. Get Legal Advice from your Lawyer Only

So far we have said that you must avoid speaking about your divorce at work.

And that you should speak about your feelings with family, friends or clergy outside of work.

And that this is not an invitation to trash talk your spouse or events that happened in your marriage.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make when going through divorce is this:

They think that everyone is a great resource for legal advice.

Despite the fact that you just shelled out 10k for a retainer, and that your lawyer is charging you 400 or more an hour, you still ignore his or her counsel?

Every single time that you share your lawyer’s counsel with others and get their non-legal opinion, you are wasting your time and money.

You are ensuring that your life after divorce can be very painful by ignoring your lawyer’s directions.

Stop getting legal advice from your mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, the carpenter, the paper boy and/or the bus driver.

Stop telling your story to anyone who will listen.

You are paying big money for a lawyer.

Unfortunately, this is how divorces play out in the courts if you do not have a pre-nuptial agreement.

Listen to your lawyer regarding all legal advice.

Stop getting legal advice from your pastor, priest or rabbi.

If you do not trust your lawyer, then get another lawyer.

Otherwise, your best peace of mind will be realized by taking your lawyer’s counsel.

This will free you up from having to ask every tom, dick or harry their legal opinion, giving your greater peace of mind and less stress.

That is what you are paying your lawyer for, less stress and the most effective legal counsel.

If you do not listen to your lawyer’s counsel, you are clearly jeopardizing your life after divorce.

Your lawyer is there to help you achieve the healthiest life after divorce possible.

With your children, financially, mentally and physically.

Your legal counsel will be much more effective if you are a good client.

A good client is going to do keep all the 10 life after divorce commandments that we speak about in this article.

You, as a client, are in a huge battle.

If your spouse hired a lawyer and brought a divorce action against you, the knives are out.

His or her lawyer are ready to fillet and bake you like an Atlantic Salmon on the grill.

Slice you up any way that they want.

You have to stay strong.

And therefore, the next commandment is particularly important:

6. Don’t Take Legal Advice from your Spouse!

You might think that you don’t need to be reminded not to take legal counsel from your adversary.

But, that is not how the world works.

The world, people around you, are going to say, how can you do this or that to your husband or wife?

Where is your heart?

How can you follow your lawyer’s advice against the mother or father of your children?

And you soon to be ex might be saying the same thing to you.

The last person on earth to take advice from is the one you are fighting in court.

If you think that you are not in the fight of your life, you are sorely mistaken.

The decisions of the court can affect you for the rest of your life.

No, the decisions made in court by this one judge will affect you the rest of your life after divorce.

The finances that you will have to live with in your life after divorce.

The relationship with your children.

Your living arrangements.

Your 401k, your assets, where you can live.

There are many possible judgments that can come out of your divorce proceedings.

Yes, your spouse or friends of your spouse will do everything possible to guilt you into not following your lawyer’s advice.

That is a big mistake.

Your spouse, who is your adversary in court, has their own interest in mind, not yours unfortunately.

This will be a very difficult commandment to follow, especially if you still love your spouse.

However, please do not make the mistake of taking your court adversary’s counsel over your lawyer’s.

In such a case, a good lawyer will drop you as a client.

Yes, because if you are not a good client, if you do not listen to your lawyer’s advice, he or she is wasting their time and wasting your money.

Listening to your spouse who is your adversary in court, will absolutely help to ruin the quality of your life after the divorce proceedings are filed away in the county archives.

If the point is still not clear, for legal counsel, you must only listen to your lawyer and no one else.

Your best chance for a good life after divorce is to take your legal advice from your lawyer only.

7. Get More Sleep

If you follow the above rules for a better life after divorce, you will be able to get more sleep.

Of course, the typical picture of a person embroiled in divorce is going to be one of drinking too much or eating too much ice cream.

Both of those pastimes are not healthy habits.

Getting more sleep is counterintuitive as the gut reaction is to be up all night worrying and talking to whoever will listen.

But, if you adhere to the common sense and effective advice in this article, you will be able to get more sleep.

Why?

Because you are doing better at your job, so you do not have to worry that you are going to get canned.

You are also using your job as your therapy, so at least 8 hours a day, you are immersed in something other than your divorce woes.

You are focused on your work and are not spending time in the office vomiting out more and more information about your failed marriage.

You are going to be a rock star at your job and will at least feel secure in the work aspect of your life.

As a result, you automatically have less stress than if you are faced with both a failed marriage and career at the same time!

By taking your legal advice from your divorce lawyer only, you have freed yourself from countless discussions with anyone and everyone who will listen to your story.

Their advice is not worth anything.

They do not know the legal system.

Your divorce settlement is a legal issue.

By letting your lawyer carry the weight here, you are free of that mental burden of figuring out what to do.

This is your lawyer’s job, to protect your life after divorce, and this is why you can start to focus on improving your habits for better health.

Get to sleep, as much as possible.

More sleep will help you think as clearly as possible.

Better sleep will help your body and mind in every way, in ways that we don’t even know about yet.

You can be sure though, if you are getting more sleep now, you will only be better off.

Turn off the tv, turn off the computer, stop yapping with people all night, do yourself a big favor and get more sleep.

There is no reason to punish your mind and body with lack of sleep because of your divorce.

8. Drink More Water, Eat Real Food

Instead of tea tolling and drowning your troubles in alcohol, drink more water.

Drinking more water is going to help you stay on the path of healthier habits.

Your body is 72% water, keep your body happy by drinking more water throughout the day.

You must avoid getting drunk and slobbering all over town with your sad story of divorce.

This is not the time to stick your face into a Ben & Jerry’s pint of vanilla heath bar crunch ice cream.

Neither Ben or Jerry will help you in this situation.

In fact, they will only make your life worse.

Life after divorce as a fat man or woman is only going to complicate things.

Excess fat, overweight, obesity is not healthy for your mind or body.

Junk food will only lead to a compromised mind, body and spirit.

Invest in your health by making wise choices in what you drink and eat.

Turn away from junk food and focus on eating real food.

Real food is going to lead to better and stronger health, both mentally and physically.

If you grew up on snickers and pop tarts and are not sure what real food is, take a quick read here , here and here.

If you think you do not have to be stronger in mind and body for your life after divorce, you are in a dream world.

One day, after the divorce proceedings are said and done, you are going to wake up in a new world.

You are out of your home, or your husband or wife are out of your home.

You are divorced.

You are no longer married.

You might not be living with your children.

Your entire life has changed.

You will be subject to depression and even worse, especially if you are the one whose life looks most different than what it was before.

Especially for men after divorce, your life expectancy has just dropped precipitously and you are prone to a host of mental and physical problems.

Divorced men have higher rates of mortality, substance abuse, depression, and lack of social support, according to a new article in Journal of Men’s Health, a peer-reviewed publication from Mary Ann Liebert, Inc., publishers.¹⁾https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-09/mali-hdd093013.php

Your best path to a healthier life after divorce is to start acquiring healthier habits right now, today.

Do not wait, as soon as you can, meaning immediately, start to work on better habits for your own health.

Go to sleep on time, try to get 8 or more hours of sleep, drink alot of water, up to a gallon a day, or at least half your weight in ounces, eat real food, and make sure you move and walk every day.

9. Start Lifting Weights

Weights?

What does lifting weights have to do with a better life after divorce?

Yes, lifting weights is going to help you in many ways.

Find a competent personal trainer or gym and start lifting.

Lifting weights will help you to de stress from awful nightmare of divorce.

You need to be able to stay healthy in both your mind and body, and lifting weights is one of the best methods to accomplish that goal.

Divorce and depression go hand in hand, especially for men.

Men are nearly twice as more likely to suffer from depression after they break up with their spouse, according to a Canadian study released Tuesday.

While both men and women whose marriages have dissolved have a higher risk of being depressed than people who remained with their spouses, the Statistics Canada study found that men who had divorced or separated were six times more likely to report an episode of depression compared with men who remained married.²⁾http://psychcentral.com/news/2007/05/23/after-divorce-men-twice-as-likely-to-experience-depression/848.html

One of the best ways to tackle depression is to start lifting weights.

Read here to see how weightlifting helps to alleviate depression.

Especially compound moves like squats and deadlifts, they are very powerful antidotes to depression.

Improving your health habits, what you drink and eat, walking more, and lifting weights, is going to give you an additional dimension of health and strength.

You absolutely need to be stronger, now more than ever, to withstand the winds of war in divorce court.

The stronger your mind and body is, the better chance you have for a healthier life after divorce.

10. Stay Close to Your Children

Last but not least, stay close to your children.

This is not going to be as easy as it sounds, especially if you are the breadwinner of the family.

Whoever is home with the children on a daily basis, already has a closer relationship.

You cook for them, take care of them, clean them, chauffeur them to their school or after school activities.

But if you are the breadwinner, most of your day is consumed with commuting and life in the office.

Many times you might come home after your kids are asleep.

It is very critical for you to stay connected with your kids.

Especially if you are the main breadwinner.

If you think that you are not in jeopardy of becoming estranged from your children, think again:

Nine out of 10 children of separating or divorcing couples live most of the time with their mothers so the controlling parent is likely to be the woman and the estranged, undermined parent is likely to be the man. It is not unknown, however, for mothers to be on the receiving end of this process, where the children are living mostly with the father.

It is called “implacable hostility”. Some psychologists have written about “Parental Alienation Syndrome” but that designation is not recognised by the courts. The phenomenon is so broadly overlooked in the family law system that no official figures exist for the numbers of children it may affect.

In Psychology Today, Edward Kruk has written of 11-15% of the children of divorcing parents suffering the effects of implacable hostility. In the UK, where roughly 250,000 divorces are granted every year, that estimate would equate to some 50,000-75,000 children every year.³⁾http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11342027/We-must-stop-turning-children-against-divorced-fathers.html

As much as possible, stay closer to your children.

Get more involved, ironic as it is that it might take an action for divorce to get you moving closer to your kids.

Get home earlier from work, you are already doing a great job, so before the court kicks you out of your own house, get home earlier and do more things with your kids.

Spend more time with them, so when the axe falls and you have to move out of your own home, your kids will still want to see you during visitation.

Probably the worst reality of life after divorce is going to be separation from your children, especially for men after divorce.

Joan Kelly PhD, one of the foremost experts on children of divorce, defines an estranged relationship between a parent and child as a diminished, thinned out, and less meaningful bond. And, she says that 24% of children from divorced families are seeing a parent once a year, if at all.

In his research, Robert Emery PhD, Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia, found that nonresidential fathers saw their children only 4 times per month following divorce, and about 20% of children had no contact at all with their fathers 2-3 years after divorce. Other research concluded that, many college-age students of divorced parents who had a limited relationship with their fathers while growing up stated that they would have liked more contact with their fathers during their adolescence, would have liked to have been closer, and wanted more time together.⁴⁾http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-moskovitch/oprahs-most-memorable-gue_1_b_869497.html

If you are not yet divorced and still living in your home, this is the time to do everything you can to stay closer to your kids.

Spend time with them, make sure that they know you are there for them.

If you are following all the other commandments to improve your chances of a quality life after divorce, you are doing better at work, you are less stressed, you are listening to your legal counsel, you have not smeared your spouse, you maintain your dignity and you are healthier.

So, you are going to look even better to your kids, especially because you are avoiding depression and obesity, and you are calm.

If you are already feeling the pangs of estrangement or alienation happening, then you are going to have to fight even harder.

Read here to deal with living with estrangement from your children and here to help fight the depression of estrangement.

For a more extensive treatment on how to fight depression and the nightmare of estrangement, you can find my book here.

Never give up on your kids.

I hope that these 10 commandments will help save your life after divorce.

If you follow them closely, you have a much better chance of living a better, healthier and higher quality life after divorce.