“Get fit or die trying! You fat bast*rd, your belly is hanging over your pants” is what my neighbor blurted out one day. That seemed pretty harsh, but on the other hand, not totally unreasonable. My doctor had already told me that if I do not lose weight, I was literally risking my life, so what did I have to lose?
How do I get fit? How can I lose weight? What do I have to do to look like a human being again? This cannot be rocket science, or is it? Those are the words that I thought to myself the first time that I put a barbell on my back and attempted to do a squat. And that was just a barbell alone and no weights.
I was terrified. I thought for sure that my knees were going to crumble or that my back would break. Or I would fall down with the weights behind me and bang my head or who knows what else. But I remembered how that morning, that neighbor had called me a fat bast*rd. I did not want to be a fat bast*rd. I wanted to be a fit bast*rd.
That fueled my determination to get fit or die trying. What did I have to lose? I was already 55. I had gone through so much the previous decade that I did not really think it would make a difference if I did die trying. In the span of only one year, I lost my family, career, home and community. Sure, back then I was absolutely sure it was everyone else’s fault but mine, but that is a different subject. Suffice it to say that today, I like to say that I ‘shoulder the should’s. I am the one who is responsible for what happens in my life.
The point of what I write here is not to engage in the blame game. That is ineffective and will get you absolutely nowhere. The point is that after ten years of isolation and morphing into a fat middle aged man, I was ready to finally get fit or die trying. I could not disagree, 275 pounds on a 6 foot frame is pretty hefty. A 50 inch waist is so large that I could not even bend down to tie my shoes.
Whose fault was that? Mine. No one forces us to consume what we consume, to think what we think, to say what we say and to do what we do. What did I know about exercise? Not much even though I thought I knew plenty. After all, I had been going to the gym, doing treadmill or elliptical, even machines. Yet, every year, I kept ballooning out and I felt so desperate.
Being called a fat bast*rd immediately brought me to my senses. I thought about Mike Meyers as Fat Bastard in Austin Powers, yeck, so as much as I hated hearing that I had become a fat bast*rd, that is what I needed to hear in order to get motivated to get fit or die trying.
So in my mind, what any fat bast*rd needs to do in order to get fit is the following:
1. Get motivated to get fit or die trying
You must be motivated. I do not know what will motivate you, perhaps it is the thought of your children or your wife or your girlfriend. Maybe it is the thought of living a higher quality life when you get older? You are the one who has to get motivated to stop scarfing Oreos just like I did, but I am not going to call you fat bast*rd, only you know the truth.
Are you as fit as you want to be? If the answer is no, then you are in the right place. If you are not as fit as you want to be, then you have to fire yourself up to take action, but the first step is to get yourself motivated. Do it.
2. Eat Your Way to Health and Fitness – what?
Eat your way fit? Yea, I said it and it is so accurate. Do you want to waste the rest of your life on diets, go ahead, but if you want to listen to someone who had gone through the maze of diets for too long and has found the holy grail, then listen up, just eat real food and you will be on your way to slaying the demon of obesity that appears as a muffin top on top of your too tight jeans.
Yea we have all done it, squeezed into pants, jeans or a suit that just does not fit us. Have you ever seen a guy with his belly hanging over his pants? Have you been that guy? Yes, I have! But one day after sitting in an all night deli about to start on a second blueberry muffin, I looked down and could not see my feet, my belly was just too big. I hated food because I thought it was food that made me fat, but the truth was that it was not food, it was the type and quantity of food.
More is not better! Less is more! You bet that too many Oreos, snickers, muffins, chips, ben and Jerry’s and any other processed food you can think of helped to make me fat. Who would believe that products which are marketed everywhere could be so lethal to our health? Well, believe, because six months after I started to eat plain and boring foods that are not marketed in fancy wrappers and colors, I was down 75 pounds and comfortably fitting in 32 inch pants.
All I did was change the type of food that I was eating and like magic, my body changed, no, transformed would be the right word. The irony is that the truth is that if you bear down to get fit or die trying and then as a result you eat the right foods, you will be doing yourself a favor that no exercise in the world can do. Without the right foods, for sure your body will stay as it is and if you starve enough, maybe it will be a smaller version of what you are now, but in order to transform your fat bastard body to your real physique, then all you have to do is eat real food daily.
3. Get moving – that is pretty simple but so many of us do very little moving.
Get up, take a shower, go sit in the car or bus, then sit on a train or more car, then walk a couple of minutes to the office and then guess what? Sit again! and again and again for hours, in meetings, at the desk, writing reports and then we do the reverse, leave the office and sit some more, yes, more sitting! If you do not think that there is a new danger in our lives called sitting disease, then think again! So the third pillar to get fit or die trying is the extremely dangerous movement known as walking.
Not too terrifying, but very effective. At the least, start moving and the most basic thing that you can do to move is to walk. Get up earlier and go for a walk, 20 minutes is fair, 30 minutes is better and 60 minutes is even better. What? You do not have an hour to invest in your own health? If you do not have at least 30 minutes to invest in your own fitness by walking, swimming, tennis or cycling, some way for you to get moving, then you are not in the right place because you have to start moving to get fit.
Good, hope you came to your senses and realized that Judge Judy does not know who you are and all you are doing by watching is supporting more advertising companies, so be resolute that you are going to take care of yourself no matter what. Your family will thank you. This is what the Fit Apprentice (aka Hashi Mashi) is about, getting fit. We are all the fit apprentices here, the only difference is that I am going to serve you as best as I can the most current information and products to save you time from doing the research yourself.
The Bottom Line
The Fit Apprentice is about you getting fit, no matter what your age. I write for men who are over 40 because I was a fat bast*rd guy and I know how it feels to not only be over 40 but even over 50 with still no clue how to get fit. I write for men who are not just a little bit overweight, but even thirty, fifty, seventy five or more than a hundred pounds or more overweight. I know what it feels like to have no hope of ever wearing normal clothes or wanting to go out in public.
I know what it feels like to even be too fat to hope to get a date, especially when you are over 40 and divorced. But I also know the difference that becoming a fit apprentice can make and I want to share that with you. I am still a work in progress, but my hope here is that I can be of service to help you as well to go from Fat Bastard to a Fit Apprentice. Have you had enough?
Are you sick and tired of being a fat bastard? Are you ready to get fit or die trying? If you are ready to get fitter, healthier and have the best chance of living a better life and treating yourself right, then you are in the right place. Let’s get started.
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